


Salty

by warmachine



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Coffee, Drabble, Ficlet, Humor, M/M, Prompt Fill, Wordcount: 100-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 14:25:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6910852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmachine/pseuds/warmachine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>“You know how Bones dumps, like, an </em>actual shitton<em> of sugar and shit into his coffee? Well, I guess not, but now you know. Anyway,” Jim paused for just a moment, glancing nervously around the mess and then leaning in closer to Spock. “I was thinking,” Jim whispered, “that I’d switch the sugar with the salt.”</em></p>
<p>In which Jim tries to pull a prank on Bones, and experiences true terror.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Salty

**Author's Note:**

> this is just something absolutely outrageous that i wrote on a whim because i was bored -- it's based on a prompt that i'll link at the end of the fic. it's hardly got any romance in it but i wrote it with established jim/bones in mind. like, they're gay and get coffee together every morning because they're gay and they love each other. Yeah.
> 
> remember kids, don't prank people by hurting them. confuse, don't abuse.

Bones didn’t strike Jim as being the type of person who puts approximately ten pounds of sugar and creamer into his coffee. He didn’t expect Bones to take it black, necessarily, but at the same time he just couldn’t visualize Bones putting so much stuff into his coffee that it practically became an entirely different drink. But, Jim has been wrong before.

Jim was thinking about this while he and Spock ate dinner together in the mess. Jim was idly pushing his food around on his plate while he thought, finally speaking up after a few minutes of silence between them. “Hey, Spock.” Jim glanced up from his plate at the same time that Spock did, and Jim sat up a little in his chair -- seeing Spock with such perfect posture always made him feel a little bit like a loser by comparison. “Bones has been super uptight lately; I wanna do something to make him loosen up.”

Jim glanced down at the table again after a moment, losing himself in thought, and tapped his fork idly against his plate, humming quietly. Spock remained silent, letting Jim think.

“That’s it!” Jim declared with such spontaneity that he made Spock flinch. He pointed his fork at Spock, grinning, looking very satisfied with himself. Spock raised an eyebrow with curiosity; whatever Jim had come up with was probably completely outrageous. “You know how Bones dumps, like, an _actual shitton_ of sugar and shit into his coffee? Well, I guess not, but now you know. Anyway,” Jim paused for just a moment, glancing nervously around the mess and then leaning in closer to Spock. When Spock just stared at him, Jim gestured for him to move closer as well. So he did. “I was thinking,” Jim whispered, “that I’d switch the sugar with the salt.”

Spock opened his mouth to comment, but before he could, Jim leaned back and laughed. “It’s genius, right?! I know what you’re about to say. It’s _genius_.” Jim set his fork back down on his plate and stood, quickly, straightening his shirt. “Holy shit, I’m gonna have to do that tomorrow morning. I’m gonna get him _good_...!” Jim laughed to himself and strode away from the table with his plate to throw his trash away, and started toward the door before turning tail and hurrying back to Spock. “By the way, thanks, Spock,” Jim said with a smile. “You’re so smart. I couldn’t have come up with that without you.”

Jim clapped Spock on the shoulder and turned back around before Spock could even answer. After he’d left the mess, Spock shook his head with a sigh and returned to his food.

* * *

The following morning, Jim went to get his and Bones’s coffee like he always did; except, this time, he filled the canister with salt instead of sugar. He snickered to himself as he made his way to Sickbay, stopping near the door to take some deep breaths and try to keep a straight face.

“Gooooood morning, Bones!” Jim called cheerfully as he strode into Sickbay, making a beeline for Bones’s office. Bones glanced over at Jim from his desk, raising an eyebrow at the sight of Jim’s smile.

“You’re awfully chipper,” Bones commented, swiveling his chair around to face Jim as Jim walked over to Bones’s desk. “Something good happening today?”

“You could say that,” Jim answered as he leaned over to place the tray of coffee stuff down on Bones’s desk. He kissed Bones’s cheek as he grabbed his own coffee, straightening back up and quietly sipping it. “I love this coffee. It’s so rich.”

“If you ask me,” Bones said, idly opening the canister of “sugar” and starting to spoon it into his mug, “this cheap shit they give us ain’t _nearly_ as good as the real coffee you can get back on Earth.” He stirred his coffee as he spoke. “It’s not half bad _only_ if you put in a ton of sugar.”

“Whatever you say, Bones,” Jim said, grinning into his mug as he took another sip of his coffee. He stifled a laugh as Bones lifted up his coffee, and Jim gripped his mug tightly in anticipation as he watched Bones take the first sip.

Bones’s eyes widened, and Jim covered his mouth with one hand as he tried not to explode into obnoxious laughter. It took him a few moments to calm down and realize that Bones hadn’t put his coffee down, and was instead shooting Jim a sinister glare as he continued to drink it. Jim watched in horror as Bones finished off the entire mug of coffee in one go, staring into Jim’s soul the whole time.

Bones slammed his mug down on his desk after he finished, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and visibly shuddering.

Jim had never been so terrified in his entire life.

“Fuck you, Jim,” Bones hissed. “Fuck you.”

**Author's Note:**

> [the prompt](http://rpfunstuff.tumblr.com/post/114578134176) this is based off of:
>
>> imagine person a of your otp switching the sugar out with salt before person b is awake. person b makes their coffee before so much as glancing in person a’s general direction, as usual, and dumps a butt load of “sugar” into their coffee before drinking it. person a is fighting back laughter and tears until they realize person b is giving them a death glare while they gulp down their entire 16 oz. cup of salty coffee without skipping a beat because they are the alpha and what is weakness.
> 
> i saw it on my dash and immediately thought of jim and bones, haha. hope you enjoyed the fic!! i hope i characterized spock ok. i love him to bits
> 
> anyway thanks for reading!! as usual comments are greatly appreciated, & i reply to them all ♡ feel free to yell at me on [my blog](http://st4rfleet.tumblr.com/) also!
> 
> bye bye!!


End file.
